A Conversation from Two Sides

A method for creating clarity by exploring a polarity

Summary

The conversation from two sides (sometimes called The Argument) explores an issue by accentuating and exploring the polarity. It helps to resolve the problem of a conversation getting stuck or a conversation going around in circles.

The Problem

Sometimes a conversation gets stuck. It may be because a situation has been polarised and there is no movement between the opposite sides.

Or the conversation goes around in circles. The same issue seems to arise again and again. This can be an indication that there is something that is being avoided.

The Pattern

A conversation from two sides allows one to explore a polarity and learn from it. It creates a flow between the two opposite sides and can lead to an increased mutual understanding of opposing viewpoints.

Firstly, the polarity needs to be made clear. It has two opposing sides. Then all arguments for one side are made. When this is done – and only then – the arguments for the opposing side are made. It is possible to return to the first side and again to the opposing side for the purpose of developing the arguments. The third step is to harvest the insights gained from exploring the polarity.

This might appear rather abstract. In the following sections, the method is described more clearly for every level.

Inner level

We are constantly faced with decisions. We have to choose between two alternatives. Should I work or spend more time with those I love? When I choose without reflecting on both sides of the polarity, the part that was not chosen often creates inner stress.

The conversation from two sides can help us to become more aware and to understand the consequences of the choices we make. One way of doing this is to write, another is to put out two chairs, each representing a part of a polarity. We argue strongly from one side and direct our arguments to the other side. Then we change sides and do the same from the other side. Often the choice becomes clearer because we take the time to explore each side. What happens to the part that is not chosen? Have a look at the pattern: Include the “no” in your decisions.

This method can also be used when you are at a loss as to how to proceed when facing a challenge. Look for the polarity and argue from both sides. Which are the insights you gain? Can you now decide how to proceed?

Interpersonal level

In relationships, we often find ourselves in situations where the conversation gets stuck. We disagree on something or we keep repeating a conversation that never seems to resolve an issue.

Instead of arguing it out between you, try doing the conversation from two sides. Identify the polarity. Now, both take one side and argue from that side. Then go to the other side and argue from that perspective. Take some time to reflect together on the insights each of you gained from the exercise. This works best when each speaks about their insight about their own actions, thoughts or feelings.

Group level

This is a useful method for groups. When the conversation seems to have become stuck or goes around in circles, identify and name the polarity. Now the whole group argues from one side and then goes to the other side. If necessary repeat this one or two times. Ask each group member to share their insights from the exercise. When doing so, ask each person to make an “I-statement” – an insight about themselves, something they have realised about their own behaviour, thoughts or feelings.

Societal level

This method can be used in smaller meetings where people engage in conversation. It may be difficult, but not impossible, to do with larger groups. If attempted, the larger group could be divided into smaller groups or the person leading the exercise can ask for a few people to speak. Participants could then be asked to volunteer their insights – sharing them first with a partner and then hearing from a number of people in the larger group.

Additional thoughts

As you may realise, this method invites voices from both sides to be heard. Those involved in a situation which has become polarised are invited to argue from their opponent’s side and visa versa. This counteracts fragmentation and contributes to mutual understanding.

The Context

This method can be used on all levels, but in different ways. It is particularly useful when a conversation has stagnated or when the same issue is repeated again and again. It also helps to provide clarity when a conversation has become confused.